The Lost Shopping List of Alfredo Montenegro

  


The last known writings of the Spanish Poet (1908-2011)

Things What I Need:

- dedbread (large loaf)

- manchovies

- 1 cup tootpaste

- boatmeal

- crabgrab

- tomorrow juice

- meatfood salad

- white say in the jar

- asscracker

- chilkin bingo

- 3 pint sugar day

- beef egg

- angryfruit

- non-salami

- spoonjuff


 

.

Pizza Face (Friday Morning)

.

He threw the acid in her face, because he was a maniac, because she was a Random Girl standing on the street- teenaged, beautiful, smiling. He threw the acid good, like a champion, and tossed the empty Dixie cup over his shoulder, pedaling off into the aftermath, never to be seen again.

The random girl’s name was Sammy, and her friends on either side stepped back as her face began to pucker, the skin beginning to crackle and spit. In the split second before Sammy was introduced to a pain so ripe that it would become its own reality she was struck by the absurd thought that she would very possibly be late for school today. Yeah, she would be late for school and miss Algebra.

And then the grace period ended, and the acid began to eat with a senseless hunger, to devour her flesh in search of bone in search of beyond.

It was a lucky break- Sammy hated Algebra.

Wonderings

 Roses are red, violets are blue, if you don’t start sleeping with me I’m gonna bang the babysitter

All the cool vegetarians hang out at the Burger King

Somedays I pour shampoo down the toilet just to spite my psychiatrist

Just because you dive off the gondola doesn’t mean the date is over

Can you hold the cole slaw? And choke to death on it?

 




Like a good neighbor, State Farm is refusing to return my calls

I trust Hispaniards… just not these Hispaniards…

I don’t like to hit sock puppets so consider this your final warning

Deja Jew: the sneaking suspicion that you’ve seen this Rabbi before

The rapist is gone... now get back to sleep!

Chocolate mousse is just pudding with a French accent

Just promise me when I die that you won't let Morgan Freeman do the voice-over...