The Tourist
“Angelina was paid entirely in orphans”
“One of the best Depp movies you’ll never see!”
“The chemistry-free romance left me lots of time for texting!”
“[Never gonna] give you up, never gonna [let you down]!”
“Jolie’s wandering accent will keep you guessing for days”
“Botox-frozen faces linger pleasantly onscreen”
“Already wiped from my hard drive”
Gulliver’s Travels
“As Jack Black gets older he just keeps getting funnier!”
“A cosmic meditation on the joys of retardation”
“Guess who’s coming to dinner? Gulliver! And he’s buying!”
“Jack Black bludgeons your testicles with comedic delight”
“A triumph of the spirit for stunted dwarves of all ages”
“Stop buying tickets… [you’re] only encouraging him!”
“To hell with Swift’s literary masterpiece- we’ve got CGI!”
The Green Hornet
“Come for the action, stay for the thrills, leave for the bathroom, come back for the finale!”
“A TV show that no one remembers becomes a movie that no one will see”
“There's no such thing as too much Rogen!”
“Gobbled my goobers out of sheer exuberance!”
“One adult and five dirt-stupid children for Green Hornet, please!”
“Another comic book movie [that reminds us] why we don’t read comic books”
“SWARM! SWARM!”
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