This Weekend

This weekend I'm going to teach my dog the star-spangled banner. Not the lyrics, because they're a bitch, but for sure the melody and high-harmony.

This weekend I'm going to try that new barbecue/sushi restaurant that all my trendy friends have been bragging about. No I'm not. I hate my friends, and this weekend will not feature barbecued sushi. This weekend will feature corrugated pizza in boxes of stock cardboard. This weekend will have everything on it.

This weekend man is going to take stock... I'm not as strong as I used to be. There's been a soreness in my hands that I don't like, that makes me feel mortal. This weekend I will rectify.

This weekend I will drink. This weekend I will be sloshed and have the advantage on reality. This weekend I will be asked to keep it down. This weekend I will up chuck.

This weekend I'm going to dig a hole shaped like a grave- just in case- and establish an alibi in the event that my mortal enemy Steve should go missing and later turn up riddled with stab wounds from a potato peeler. This weekend I'm going to stand in a lineup.

This weekend you just never know. This weekend I'm going to Facebook that girl I was in love with in high school, and tell her that I've been in love with her for fifteen years and break up her marriage and have amazing soul sex with her in a white hotel room. This weekend we're getting room service.

This weekend I'm going to the hobby shop that I drive past every day on my way to work. I'm gonna buy a complicated model and all the supplies I need- airplane glue and an Exacto knife, metallic paint and sandpaper, and I'm going to assemble a car- if only in scale- and enjoy the precision of the process. This weekend I'm going to build.

This weekend I'm going to write. I have all these ideas, all these stories in my head. Some of them have to be true. This weekend I'm going to tell the stories to the laptop, and post them to my blog, where the right people will find them. This weekend I will use my words to fill hearts with love and humor.

This weekend- there is the chance- this weekend there is the chance that I sit in my big chair and play Metroid while watching Simon & Simon DVD's and waiting for the pizza guy but I highly doubt that will happen. This weekend is not about all those other weekends. This weekend I have too much to do.

I made a list.