Don't Tip The Waiter


He did a shitty job, sat me in the back, didn’t smile, never made small talk or gave me the time. He didn't ask if I wanted coffee, forgot the extra spoon, never told me his name. He didn't read to me the specials, forgot my side of rice, didn't tell me that the plate was extra hot, never offered me dessert.

He failed to recommend a cocktail, never asked about my birthday, overcharged me on the appetizer, wouldn't valet park the car.

He didn't come when I called, never brought the pepper. He let my water glass go dry.

And I ate there alone, because you're gone for good, you don’t call me anymore, you left me raw and bloody, left me all alone to do these things by myself.

The fucking waiter served me lobster cold and chicken out to sea: he forgot to put the dressing on the side.

And I'm never eating at this restaurant again.


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