Microwave Magic

Congratulations on your purchase of a new Conmar Microwave Oven Cooking System! This state-of-the-art food preparation unit will completely revolutionize the way you operate your home kitchen. With this new 100-watt microwave powerhouse you can do things you’ve never been able to do before:

- Make crisp bacon in under four minutes

- Melt butter for lobster, shrimp and personal use

- Warm up the cat on cold mornings most likely

- Make a successful sales presentation and earn that promotion

- Soften ice cream, because sometimes when it’s a full box and the spoon goes in and it just won’t dig

From this day forward your family’s mouths will start to collectively water when they hear the musical hum of their new Conmar Microwave (ear protection recommended). In no time at all the whole family will be microwaving things just for fun, and that’s just the start of what you can do:

- Take your microwave to the beach and set it out on a blanket

- Encourage your microwave to take up a musical instrument

- Bring your microwave with you to the Clint Eastwood Film Festival

- Strap your Conmar microwave to the roof of your car and parade it around the neighborhood, rubbing your neighbor’s faces in the glory of your latest consumer acquisition

It also heats cold pizza. Enjoy!

[Not responsible for radiation or carcinogen leakage. Not responsible for Talking Foot Syndrome. Some items not microwavable. Not responsible for any items accidentally microwaved into parallel dimensions. Do not use microwave as flotation device. Not for use by Leos or Pisces. Some glowing of the skin is considered normal. Microwave rays may or may not warp space-time. No longer responsible for bladder accidents]