It’s how I saw it. It's how I knew I was alive.

You've been to this page before. Again and again and I’m pretty sure I’ve lived this day before, well maybe not this one, maybe you lived it. Maybe. Maybe you know more than I ever will.

It was that day, that day I don't talk about because there’s nothing to talk about. There was an appointment, there was a doctor. There was bloody gauze. There were lost causes running through my veins.

And like a passing thunderstorm it was gone out to sea, the ocean and the fears, the terrors and seams of reality unravel in a quick. The nurse- soft beautiful- brought me cup of cold juice, and I tasted it, and I drank from the cup. And when she walked out Adeline walked in, her pocketbook over her shoulder, her smile making me rise. The juice was sweet.

The juice was real.

On that day I think I look back- the déjà vu- I laid back, in the hospital bed, and I closed my eyes, not only for a minute but a lifetime or three or four, a smile on my face, a surrender.

A soft dissolve to the next scene.

I saw Adeline. I felt her breathe. I tasted cranberry. And that's how I knew I was alive.

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