Atomic testing really fucks up a picnic

Why is it that robots and gangsters are not allowed to use contractions?

My office mates and I strongly disagree on the meaning of “Hump Day”

Drowning kittens would be easier if the damn things weren’t so buoyant

Jimmy Crack Corn… and on some level that really bothers me

Oral sex at gunpoint really gets the blood flowing

Would someone please ask Junior to stop peeling the baby?

I’m not ordering black coffee to impress you… but you must admit you are impressed

Exactly what kind of business IS this Vagina Carwash?

Boogiedancing really seems to put my daughter in the mood!

On Halloween I answer the door with a shotgun, because Twix is so predictable

Being institutionalized is a nightmare… but you get to keep the bathrobe


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