Christmas Wonderings

On the sixth day of Christmas my true love gave to me: blistering gonorrhea

Holiday Tip #405: Christmas Carolers don't seem to like being greeted at the door with a boiling pan of olive oil

Frosty just doesn’t look right since the gastric bypass...

Candy Canes are perfect for those hard-to-reach places

...but he was no longer just a cow, he was now The Cow That Saved Christmas. The End.

Good news for jealous Jews: Christmas has been cancelled!

Shame on you, Santa Claus, for raping my daughter yet again

Christmas: When Jesus came back from the dead to turn water into eggnog

And though it’s been said many times, many ways, I need you to back your Kia off of my granddaughter

I’ve been kind of a Grinch since I woke up to find Santa’s charred corpse in the chimney

Shitneck’s heartfelt speech filled us all with the true spirit of Christmas

Bad News: That wasn’t figgy pudding

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