Critics Speak: Oscar Wrap-Up


 Hugo

“[Which one of them] was supposed to be Hugo?”

“Like being trapped inside a giant clock and forced to watch ‘Hugo’”

“Weekend At Marty’s”

“Featuring a robot for some reason”

“I [plum forgot] before I got to the parking lot”

“A 3D PBS pledge-drive for film preservation”

“Seriously… [which one of those] was Hugo?”





The Artist

“I don’t watch Turner Classic Movies and this is exactly why!”


“                                                                      !!!”


“One adult and two deaf-mutes, please!”

“Silence is golden and so is this shower”

“[Seven stars] says my nephew who is currently in Tampa”

“More fun than hijacking a bulldozer!”

“Silent movies give me time to reflect on my sham marriage”





Extremely Loud And Incredibly Close

“What is my grandmother’s television set?”


“A wonderful fantasy for [those] in denial that 9/11 was an inside job!”

“Papa says: a Redbox”

“A squeaky, freaky sequel to ‘Sleepless In Seattle’”

“Bullock sharpens her nipples in another stab at glory”

“Punishment for having eyeballs”

“If only [the kid] had been in Building 2”






Moneyball

“Two strikes and no balls”

“[I just] love baseball movies with no baseball!”


“Baseball finally makes the giant leap from sport to hypothetical algebraic equation!”

“Goodtime summertime boomerang bath mat!”

“Brad takes a break from learning the kids’ names to bunt foul”

“Much more important than a cinematic expose on the steroid era”

“[This is why] Oakland has all those World Championships”


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