Buyer's Guide To Baby Goats

My girlfriend and I decided we were ready to take the next big step: buying a baby goat. It seemed like a good idea at the time...

First Goat- Christopher

Christopher was a rebel. He was into rock music and insisted on getting a tattoo. He kept us up half the night with his extended guitar solos, which mostly consisted of him chewing on the strings of a 1957 Fender Stratocaster. He was wild: he refused to go to school and when he did he was expelled for eating the principal’s Pontiac. Eventually he ran away from home and started a punk band called Gruff. (Their new single is available on iTunes)

Second Goat- Julie

Julie- if you’ll forgive the expression- was an absolute slut. She would sex the mailbox and then eat it. She would sex the sofa and then eat that too. Her provocative outfits and unbridled sensuality made it impossible for my girlfriend and I to concentrate. When she got pregnant she told us she had no idea who the father might be and then proceeded to eat the kitchen table ... NEXT!

Third Goat- Wibby

Wibby was a raging alcoholic with over $300,000 in gambling debts. I don’t keep that kind of cash on hand. Also he ate our condominium.

Fourth Goat- Steve

Steve was the one... honest, generous, funny... he ate our complete bedroom set including headboard, nightstand & bureau, but still. None of us know why he took that gun and robbed that bank... or why he ate all the cash. We miss Steve and look forward to seeing him in five-to-fifteen years.

Life is hard... love is a blessing... and baby goats make it all worthwhile. Even when they eat your keybo

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for this.

    I have had a similar experience.

    One morning I woke up and my couch was gone... but my goats weren't, just satiated - for the moment.

    I hesitate to say this but I know Wibby. He's my ex-lover. It brings me mixed emotions to find he's been adopted by a clearly loving couple. I hate to say this but do watch your personal items around him. He has a problem that is out of his control. It's not his fault. He needs help.