Accident Crushes Construction Worker's Skull

AP- A Highway Department construction worker had his skull crushed yesterday in a crane accident in Pawling. Dick DeBlasio, 44, reportedly bent down to tie his shoe on the construction site when the wrecking ball being used to demolish Highway 41 broke loose and pulverized his head. DeBlasio was rushed to County Hospital where he was pronounced headless, and then later dead on arrival. DeBlasio had worked for the Highway Department for fourteen years. Before his head was crushed.

According to onlookers at the scene of the accident DeBlasio’s decapitation was swift and almost entirely pain-free. “He was there one minute,” said an anonymous witness, “and then the next minute he was still there but his head was just a puddle on the sidewalk.” DeBlasio had no comment after the accident.

Friends and family remember DeBlasio as a loving husband and father. Before the head-crushing incident. DeBlasio coached his son Biffie’s church little league team and officiated the Special Olympics in which his special-needs daughter Bevel participated each year. This was before yesterday’s crane accident which demolished his skull and popped it clean off his body.

Recent accidents such as DeBlasio’s cranial obliteration have raised a spotlight on the Department of Transportation's safety standards. DOT Spokesperson Michael Samperson spoke yesterday about the incident: “We are unwavering in our commitment to employee safety… we just need [more] orange cones.” He had no immediate comment about DeBlasio’s shattered melon.

“If Dick was alive today he would petition the DOT and the Mayor’s office to make roadside repairs more safe and fun for the entire family,” said DeBlasio’s tearful wife Deluca, “and he would also want his head back.”

Services for DeBlasio and his liquefied coconut will be held on Tuesday at the Greenfield Rest Home in Goshen. In lieu of flowers please send donations to the Center For Cranium-Free Living. The memorial service will feature a closed coffin.

You know... because of the head thing.

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