Letter of Recommendation

To Whom It May Concern,

It is my pleasure to offer this letter of recommendation for Emma Purvel, a wonderful employee and dedicated co-worker who will surely improve both the environment and efficiency of any workplace she graces. I didn’t have sex with her, if that’s what you’re wondering.

Emma brings a dedication, a curiosity, a natural wonder for the world into every aspect of her daily routine. She has a sweetness inside, an innocence about her that is as magnetic as it is unforgettable. When you talk Emma listens. And when she listens she leans her head to the side. And she nods. Sometimes to get your attention she will touch your hand, and you will feel electric tingles up your arm to the back of your neck.

Emma has a perfect attendance record in her time with my office. She has tirelessly sought to improve every aspect of this business, from productivity to employee morale to customer service. She wears short skirts that will drive you crazy- sometimes with no stockings. Just the sight of her inner thigh at a sales meeting or the scent of her natural perfume will be enough to make your day, to keep you high long after the work day is over. Emma’s energy level is unflagging and her attention to detail is second-to-none.

Her social skills and ability to interact well with others will make you want to sit her on your lap and whisper poetry into her ear for hours on end while stroking her hair softly. Unfortunately Emma will not allow this because she is all business. That level of professionalism is a rare quality indeed.

I bought her a Valentine and a box of chocolates but she wouldn't go out with me. Her job came first no matter what and every day Emma taught all of us the meaning of commitment and responsibility. She gives wonderfully engaging presentations and communicates her ideas warmly and effectively and when she leans down you can see the little bow on her pink bra. Emma’s mastery of Mac, PC & publishing software is jaw-dropping, as is her smile when you make her laugh first thing on a Tuesday morning by putting a muffin on her keyboard.

I tried. I really tried. I think I asked her out a dozen times. Emma was even sweet about turning me down: she would smile and talk soft in that milky/scratchy voice of hers. She would let me down gently, affectionately, and she always boosted my self-esteem in the process. It just made me love her more… made me want to take her someplace tropical and watch the sunset through her eyes.

I guess what I’m saying is: Emma is the best. You’re lucky she’s considering your company. Take good care of her and remind her that she can call me anytime.

Ms. Purvel is a marvelous employee and a valuable asset to any office.

Sincerely,

David Marvin