Santa Boulevard

Santa got pulled over: 5:30 PM, December 24, Abernathy Boulevard across from the plaza.

The officers- Denzie and Fuller- got out of their car and approached the sleigh.

Santa, jolly: “Ho ho ho! Was I going too fast? You boys have to forgive me! I’m a very busy man tonight!” He smiled wide.

Denzie held the flashlight up to the reindeer.

Fuller, thumbs in his belt: “What’s in the bag, sir?”

Santa looked to the sack in the back, laughing. “Why, that’s just TOYS!!! Toys for every good boy and girl in the world! Merry Christmas!”

Denzie approached Santa from the other side. “What’s in the bag, sir?”

Santa chuckled, and then in a booming voice: “TOYS!!! I was just telling your partner! That’s a bag of TOYS!!!”

Fuller walked to the rear of the sleigh. “Can we take a look in the bag, sir?”

Santa laughed hearty. “Of course you can! It’s just a bag full of TOYS!” 

He swallowed hard. “Merry Christmas!”

Fuller pulled a duct-taped freezer bag out of the sack.

Santa watched, eyes going yo-yo. “TOYS!!!”

Sgt. Fuller cut the bag with his utility knife, dipping his finger into the white powder. Tasting it.

“This is PCP. Angel dust.”

TOYS!!!” Santa bellowed.

Denzie shook his head. “Do you know what this stuff does to kids?”

“You don’t understand,” Santa said, “I was just holding it. For a friend.”

Denzie looked at Fuller.


Fuller smiled at Santa: "You're going away for a lot of years, you fat son of a bitch."

"But... TOYS!"

Denzie slipped the cuffs on as Fuller radioed in.

“You boys don’t understand! Christmas cheer! To the children! TOYS!!!”

A group of neighborhood kids gathered to watch the cops shove the old man in the squad car easy.

The children- hearts broke- turned away from Santa and headed home. But they heard him exclaim as he drove out of sight, “Merry Christmas to all! And I’m not saying a motherfucking word without my lawyer!”

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