The Films Of Egg Begley, Jr. (Pt. I)

My Three Sons
This was it! Egg’s first screen appearance! He guest-stars on “My Three Sons” as Marv, a computer hacker who tries to dupe Chip and Ernie into embezzling money from an orphanage. Fred MacMurray foils the scheme and gives Egg a lecture that puts him- and the audience- into an instant coma. Sweet dreams, Egg… sweet dreams…

The Computer Wore Tennis Shoes
In this forgettable film Egg played Student, a student who sits in class listening to the teacher. Egg, as usual, nailed the performance. He begged producers to give his character a name but there simply wasn’t enough money in the budget. A devastated Egg swore he would not reprise his role in the sequel, which was lucky, because there was none. Fragile Egg… if you crack him does he not yolk?

The Immortal
Egg guest starred on this ABC adventure series, playing Attendant, giving a performance so outrageously brilliant that no one in the world took notice. He rebelled by eating an entire bag of potatoes while sitting on the hood of his ’66 Buick. That’ll learn ‘em, Egg…

The Bill Cosby Show
Here Egg played Student #2, the first white student in the classroom to stand up and join Bill Cosby’s Electric Boogaloo Troupe of Higher Education, which is exactly what you think it is. The other white students taunt #2 by hurling lunchboxes and adjustable wrenches at him, but the groove turns out to be eternal. Just ask Egg.

Egg plays “Bud,” a wanna-be cop who gets humiliated by the cops who are already cops but don’t wanna be cops-cops. This was a classic case of life imitating art. Or something. Egg’s performance was so poor that he was banned from portraying police officers for the rest of his life by the Screen Actor’s Guild, and we’ll never talk about it again. Just the facts, Egg…

Now You See Him, Now You Don’t
Could any movie title be a better metaphor for Egg’s career? This movie was about a young man who invents an invisibility spray, and Egg played Druffle, the lead character’s best friend. His most memorable line? “Can I try some of that stuff, Dexter? PLEASE?!?” Who’s invisible now? Someone named Egg.

Where Does It Hurt?
A hospital comedy in which Egg displays his talents as an orderly with an urgent pelvic itch that cannot be ignored no matter what else is going on in the scene or storyline. Egg scratches hard, the kind of hard that can get a young Swedish boy banned from a film set, but didn’t. You got lucky, Egg.

Here Egg touched our hearts as Young Man, the young man in the pharmacy who overhears that Maude is going through menopause and gets pelted with maxi-pads for the next several minutes. Producers were going to ask Egg to reprise his role in the follow-up episode “Hysterecto Me” but Egg declined, stating he was meeting friends that night for Chinese food. Stay free, Egg… stay free.

Egg played Pook, a rough and tumble stable-boy to Rock Hudson’s Cowboy Chuck. From “Rock Remembers” (Harper/Collins): ‘Egg was a hard-working actor, who may or may not have believed he was an actual farmhand… no one could shovel sh-t faster than Egg, and his melodic whistling got me through a very difficult shoot.’ Egg gives good memory.

The Doris Day Show
Egg played Wally, the heroin-addicted next-door neighbor who always wanted to borrow ten buckets for a quick fix. His character was written off the show when Egg hit on Naomi Stevens, the actress who played Juanita. Too soon, Egg… too soon...

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