I'm not afraid of puppets anymore, and if my wife tells you any differently then that bitch is just a filthy liar

Childhood was a breeze, what with Papa’s weakness for Mexican snatch

Avoid Everything Bagels, because they really do lead to the harder stuff

Excuse me, but are you the woman they call the Human Dumpster?

I have climbed the mountain, and the view from the top is just as pathetic as I thought it would be

My son Lousy has low self-esteem for some reason

The best thing about blacking out is

I have no problem with gays in the military but I agree they should be banned from deep-space exploration

Everything you do is zen- except that

Guilty, Your Honor, but it’s a great story…

Nana’s medication’ is not a food group

Somedays I feel like the last dyslexic in Alphabet City

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