You can fool some of the people all of the time but oral sex is still surprisingly expensive

Pine-Sol is ideal for sprucing up a crime scene

I misspoke earlier: Mom didn't explode... she was vaporized

John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt? That son of a bitch stole my Mazda

I stand for the National Anthem, but I always lean to one side

That's odd... fangs don't usually develop until the onset of menopause

Stuck in the house with you on this rainy day makes me want to review our marriage contract with a fine-tooth comb

If grease is the word what am I gonna do with all this Vaseline?

Will eat for food

If Mary Poppins was my nanny I would bang her till the magic comes out

Don't listen to the salesmen: poo is no substitute for plop

Somewhere, over the rainbow, a Mexican fellow is stealing his first motorcycle

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