8 Ways To Fear Yogurt


1. The Name
Yogurt. It sounds like a gooey dairy product that comes in plastic canisters and sits in your refrigerator waiting for you to eat it with a spoon. Oh wait-

2. The Gush When You Penetrate

I'm not elaborating pervert.

3. The Brand Names

Dannon? Colombo? Yoplait? Are these words really happening? If so can I get someplace else?

4. Plawllch!

The noise it makes when it spills.

5. Fruit On The Bottom

There’s so much wrong with that sentence I don’t know where to begin.

6. The Name Again

Never say yogurt.

7. How Is It Made?

Is hot cow plop frozen cold for some reason? Is this cream getting obnoxious? I think some cows are lactose intolerant, and yogurt is the load they drop.

8. The Name Again, Pt. II

Gerber makes the baby goo, sherbert makes the punch turn blue, yo-yo’s fall and rise again, but yogurt makes me hot vomit all over my co-workers.

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