Sorry I’m late… I was on the toilet all morning with the
beefies
Nothing says nobility like Doritos on the front porch
I just think it’s nice that the road to Hell is even paved
Good hit men leave their puppies at home
I believe in God, if only to have someone to talk to during
sex
Teenage runaways make the best Denver omelets
People who use the phrase "F-Bomb" are fucking hilarious
The new maid is a deaf-mute so your guess is as good as mine
If being in a serious relationship means having to watch
Sandra Bullock movies I hope I die alone and unloved
Why walk the plank when you can swan dive?
Diabetic kids really dig the grape
Kool-Aid
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