Fantastic Bastards of the 1980's

Bradley Whitford

Bradley- who turned 40 before his 25th birthday- is best known for his role as Roger Latimore in “Revenge Of The Nerds 2.” Roger is so disgusted by the presence of the Nerds that he’s willing to sacrifice his good name, collegiate career, and a relationship with blonde fern Courtney Thorne-Smith just to humiliate them. He’s too overcome with hatred to even deny his wrongdoing: When he’s publicly accused of framing the Nerds for  Grand Theft Auto and stranding them on a deserted island to die he proudly declares:

“Okay, okay, maybe I did!”

Well done, you spectacular shithead!

Michael Douglas

In both “Wall Street” and “Fatal Attraction” Michael Douglas teaches us that being a self-obsessed bucket of slime can have its downsides. As the plunderous robber-baron Gordon Gekko he destroys a company just to make an extra nine dollars, and as unfaithful husband Dan Gallagher he exposes his wife and innocent daughter to the violent psychosis of mistress and rabbit aficionado Glenn Close. It seems everybody else suffers for this man’s lethal greed and toxic lust.

Calling CRS...

Tony Goldwyn

Turned Swayze into a “Ghost.” Why’d he have to go and do that, hah?


Those two had only each other!

William Zabka

Whether he was pulping Ralph Macchio (thank you!) as Johnny in “The Karate Kid” or undermining Jason Melon as Chas in “Back To School,” Zabka absorbed evil like a sponge. This was the gentleman’s motherfucker, a man so full of bad he actually enjoyed being told off. Watch him sniff in delight as characters profess their hatred of him! Watch him go out of his way to devastate others and bask in their suffering and humiliation.

Go, Johnny, go!

Ronald Reagan

You had to be there.

 James Spader

King of the Yuppie Scum and a prick in almost every 80’s film, including
“Less Than Zero,” “Wall Street,” “Baby Boom,” “Pretty In Pink,” “Sex, Lies & Videotape,” and, yes, “Mannequin.” Spader is the undisputed Zen master of upwardly-mobile scuzzos, tailoring each performance to its movie and discovering endless variations of Asshole. His low-key and pointlessly-vicious misbehavior put the fear of God into every office worker in America… back-stabbing has never been so beauteous.

Paul Gleason

Which role was better- ramrod Principal Vernon in “The Breakfast Club or foul-mouthed scavenger Clarence Beaks in “Trading Places”? Either way he wins… and you lose. I’d love to discuss his general hatred of the human peoples but as Clarence might say: Fuck off!

William Atherton

On your knees, boys.. the King of Cocksuckers has just entered the room. William “Bitch” Atherton pulled off the divine trifecta, playing magnificent fuckers in “Real Genius,” “Ghostbusters,” and “Die Hard.” Nauseatingly greedy and shamelessly cruel, his characters all shared one common goal: the ruthless destruction of the film’s protagonist.

His atrocities are well-documented, from releasing the ghost containment chamber on an unsuspecting New York to exploiting John McClane’s children on national television… and his abuse of Nerds in “Genius” would make even Bradley Whitford blush. They don’t make ‘em like William Atherton anymore: scene-stealing, mustache-twirling, scenery-chewing monsters. I know what you’re wondering and yes… it’s true…

This man has no dick.



  1. Excellent list, you made my day!

  2. Just came across this via a James Spader board on IMDb. Great list! I particularly like this comment: "Bradley- who turned 40 before his 25th birthday." Gold. And so true.